Questions I Wished I’d Asked My Father

Each year, we celebrate Father’s Day on the third Sunday in June. Father’s Day was first acknowledged on June 19, 1910. Sonora Louise (Smart) Dodd (1882-1978) is credited as the founder of Father’s Day. Sonora held her father, Civil War Veteran, William Jackson Smart, in high regard. 

One Sunday at church in Spokane, Washington, Sonora heard a sermon preached shortly after the newly established Mother’s Day was created. Thinking of her father, she felt that dads should also be recognized with a special day of their own. Sonora met with the Spokane Ministerial Alliance and made her case for Father’s Day, suggesting it be held on June 5th, her father William’s birthday. The Alliance agreed, choose the third Sunday in June, and the first Father’s Day in the United States was celebrated June 19, 1910 in Spokane, Washington. 

In 1916, President Woodrow Wilson sent a telegraph to Spokane praising the town for their Father’s Day recognition. Fifty years later in 1966, President Lyndon B. Johnson signed a presidential proclamation declaring the third Sunday of June as Father’s Day. Then in 1972, President Richard M. Nixon, established a permanent national observance of Father’s Day to be held on the third Sunday of June each year.

Lessons Learned

I love family history. It’s been my passion for a long time. It’s why I wrote my book: Fortitude: Preserving 400 Years of an American Family’s Faith, Patriotism, Grit and Determination. 

My biggest regret, however, was not starting earlier. Why? Because I never had the opportunity to talk with my father, Richard H. Spaulding, or grandfather, George A. Spaulding, about our family history. They never told me, but frankly, I never asked. Yes, there were other priorities in life at the time such has work (active duty U.S. Navy) and raising kids. But today, I sadly reflect on those tales of old now permanently lost to time.  

Learn from my mistake. If your father or grandfather are still alive, talk to them about your family history. Listen to their stories. Make this a priority and write down what you learn. As each generation passes, a library is lost, and volumes of stories pass away with them. Sadly, the  recounted memories or musings of our aging relatives are discounted as senile ramblings when they should be joyfully embraced for generations to follow. 

Questions to Ask

As we approach Father’s Day this year, I’m reflecting on questions I wished I’d asked my father or grandfather when they were still alive. I lost both my grandfathers by the time I was twenty-one, and my father died in 1991 when I was thirty-three. If I could go back in time, here’s what I would ask them:

1. Tell me about your grandfather and grandmother:
   • What did they look like?
   • What did they like to do?
   • What type of personality did they have? 
   • Do you remember childhood visits with them?
2. What are your earliest memories in life?
3. What sports did you play growing up?
4. Do you remember your first date?
5. What was the family’s faith tradition back then?
6. Did you ever play any musical instruments?
7. What early memories of family vacations do you have?
8. Do you recall any stories of military service of family members?
9. Can we look at the oldest photo album you have and talk about the pictures?
10. Can you tell me some stories of family reunions?
11. Who has influenced your life the most?
12. What are you most proud of?
13. Do you have any regrets if life?
14. What are the biggest lessons you’ve learned in life?
15. How do you want to be remembered? 

Want some more questions? Click HERE to see a great list of “30 Questions to Ask Your Grandparents” from Aegis Living. 

A Golfing Legacy

My father, Richard H. Spaulding, was an exceptional golfer. He had a single-digit handicap most of his prime golfing years that also included four holes-in-one. If I could travel back in time, I would sit down with my Dad and ask him to tell me about each of those four holes-in-one. I’m so blessed to have two of his hole-in-one trophies to pass down to my children and grandchildren. My Dad actually had four and a half holes-in-one. So, how do you make a half of a hole-in-one? Here’s the story.

My father, Richard, hit his tee shot on a par three into a green-side lake. After the stroke and distance penalty, he flew his next tee shot into the hole for a “three” on the scorecard. This is why my Dad would say, “I had four and a half holes-in-one.”

Preserving the Past

I was talking to a young man in his twenties at church a few weeks ago. I asked if his grandparents were still alive. They were. I said to him that if you can ask your grandfather about his grandfather, you’d have a first person account of your great-great grandfather. This idea fascinating him – I could see it in his eyes. I wish I could convey this message to anyone who has a living grandparent. 

If you’re like me and regret not asking questions (like those above) of your father or grandfather, begin a new tradition today. Get together with your children or grandchildren and tell them about your childhood. Kids love stories – share yours with them. Have them ask questions as you tell your stories from long ago. 

Begin the process of preserving history and leaving a legacy today!

Images

1. Featured Image: “Dale-Andrew-Ryan.png” – Dale Spaulding with sons Andrew Spaulding and Ryan Spaulding in Virginia Beach, VA (1992).
2. “Richard+George.png” – Dale Spaulding’s father Richard Spaulding and Dale’s grandfather George Spaulding (1945). 
3. “Dick-Spaulding-Hole-in-One.jpg” – Award given by Orchard Park Country Club in Orchard Park, New York on June 16, 1951.